


have you ever wished (you could rewind)

by flustraaa



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: All Angst No Fluff, Angst, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Gen, Heartbroken Alec Lightwood, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Miscommunication, Oblivious Magnus Bane, Past Magnus Bane/Camille Belcourt, aka my fav plot device, best friend Alec Lightwood, best friend Magnus bane, kind of a break up I guess, talk!! to!! each!! other!!, they weren’t together tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 02:40:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20074771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flustraaa/pseuds/flustraaa
Summary: by time he realises what he’s done, Alec is long since out of sight.





	1. Chapter 1

It all starts with a simple question, full of only the purest intentions from his best friend.

Alexander is hesitant at best, fiddling nervously with the age old cross necklace his abuelo gave him on his sixteenth birthday. 

Magnus of course, simply chalks down the origin of the question to a another attempt of cheering up Magnus from his rather— well, devastating— breakup with Camille. He finds the suggestion a bit peculiar, as Alec has already done most things possible to help Magnus back onto his feet. 

“Do you want to go out with me on Friday?” Alec inquires, pulling and his knuckles in a vague attempt at a crack, “I think it could be fun.”

“I’d love that, Alexander,” the response was simple— he would do anything at anytime with Alec if given the chance, certainly he must know that by now.

A beaming smile lights up Alexander’s features, and Magnus’ heart swells with elation— pure and unadulterated. He was the one who put that smile on Alec’s face, he thinks absently, and he’s incredibly proud of that deed.

As promised, Alec arrives three minutes before seven— and Magnus feels confusion rise at the suit his best friend is clad in— and further more, he’s utterly frazzled as to why Alec has extended a bouquet of baby’s breath and lavender. Those are his favourite flowers— and something seems amiss about Alec’s general persona. Magnus, however, ever the genius, accepts the flowers and follows Alec to the car after finding a suitable vase.

They pull into a rather beautiful little hole in the wall Indonesian restaurant— where the hostess addresses Alec by name. He chirps her name back in lieu of greeting, sharing a short hug before she leads them back to the table. 

“Do you like it?” He mutters nervously, unfolding his napkin. 

“I _adore_ it, how’d you come across it?” Magnus replies immediately following the question, mirroring Alec’s actions. 

“When your mom moved to Hawaii, you told me how much you missed her _Gado-gado_— um, I went to about twelve different restaurants in New York to find the closest version. This was the one.” Alec doesn’t meet Magnus’ gaze, biting his bottom lip as he fiddles with the corner of the napkin. 

“You did that for me?” Magnus gasps, air evading his lungs and heart melting at the thought, “You’re the best friend I could ever ask for.” 

And he glances down at the menu to quickly to realise the smile that he adores, had slipped off of Alec’s face all together. But that was only the beginning of the night from hell itself.

“Right,” Alec mumbles under his breath, “Anything for my best friend.”

It’s after they’ve split a piece of _Spekkoek_, and Alec has paid a bill that they walk back down the stretch of land to the bridge that crosses the duck pond of a lesser known part of the city. 

“So, what was this all for?” Magnus sussurates into the abyss, lit by miscellaneous cars and lights of the city. 

Alec is silent, and Magnus takes this silence as his turn to fill in the blank with a guess— unfortunately that begins the true spiral of the night.

“Oh! Is this what I think it is?” Magnus speaks enthusiastically, dangling his feet over the edge of the bridge where they’ve hunkered down to sit criss cross applesauce, “Okay, okay. This is you trying to cheer me up over Camille right? The whole date simulation is beautiful, artfully created because it’s something she’d never— _Alec_?” 

It’s in the moment he looks at his best friend to find him staring at his lap that Magnus can’t breath— his best friend looks wrecked, biting down on his bottom lips so harshly that it pales. 

“I’m— _shit_,” Alec breathes, wiping at his eyes as he rises to his feet, sucking in a shuttering breath, “This was a _mistake_. I’m sorry.” 

And then he’s risen to his feet and he’s striding out of sight. Magnus, as predicted, does the most logical thing he possibly can in that moment. He calls Isabelle. 

She picks up on the second ring, chirping out a greeting. 

“Isabelle, darling, Alec—“ Magnus is truncated by her voice as soon as Alexander’s name leaves his lips. 

“Oh! Right! You had your date today. He’s been talking non stop about it— it took him forever to work up the courage let alone—“ 

“Isabelle,” He hisses, “_What_ are you talking about?” 

“Did he stand you up? I’ll beat his ass—“ she starts, stopping as noise resembling a sob claws it’s way from Magnus’ throat. “Oh Dios Mio, what’s wrong?” 

“What do you mean he’s been planning this?” He manages after a few hiccups. 

“He _loves_ you, Magnus,” She choruses, voice much softer, “Surely, you noticed he stayed by your side no matter what _torment_ the wench put him through?” 

“He what?” Magnus chokes. 

“Magnus, what did you do?” Isabelle asks sharply, and he can hear shuffling in the bathroom before she lets out a heartbroken sound from somewhere in the back of her throat, there’s soft Spanish words of comfort before he recognises a few far less kind words. His name follows, accompanied only by the tell-tale noise of a ended call. 

And it’s in a crack of thunder that Magnus realises, as the rain starts to pour— on top of everything, it’s _Valentine’s Day. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall petitioned way to hard for me to not write a second part

When Magnus awakes, he’s still lying on the couch of the apartment he shares with Alec, clothes wrinkled around him and drool on the corners of his lips. 

Absently, he brings a hand up to wipe his mouth, halting all movements when he sees there’s a blanket draped over him. 

_Alec_, his mind answers with ease.

Magnus pushes himself up to sit against the couch, throwing a short glance at the door— as if looking in a direction hard enough will make Alec appear. 

His heart trips in his chest when he sees Alec’s running shoes and rain jacket in a sopping pile at the door. This time, he refuses to remain oblivious to his best friend’s wishes. 

Aureus eyes quickly slip to see Alec’s door, which is shut tightly. Magnus blinks, lips parting— because Alec never closes his door. 

Magnus rises to his feet, walking towards the piece of wood that separates him and his best friend and better half. 

He remembers his ready call with Catarina— and her slowly putting all parts of the alphabet together before coming to the conclusion that— _yes_, Magnus loves him too. He just didn’t seem to really understand love after what Camille had done to him. 

This is a good step, Magnus ponders, at least he’s home. 

But then he realises, he’s not quite sure if Alec is home. His best friend’s snores aren’t loud enough that he can hear them without the solid oak open, so he presses an ear against the door to hear soft snores that are indeed identical to the ones his best friend lets out on a nightly basis. 

And Magnus knows just how to fix this all, every last bit.

He spends five minutes outside of his best friend’s door, hand hovering over the knob as he tries to decide if this is right or not. 

He finally settles, pressing his head against the door once more to hear his friends soft wisps of slumber, prior to pushing it apart from its wooden frame.

Unlike other times, Alec doesn’t stir when the door clicks to an open, remaining on his back in the middle of the bed. 

Magnus’ heart breaks just a little bit more when he sees the dark circles under Alec’s eyes, and dented skin of his bottom lip— swollen from crying just as his eyes are puffy and red. 

“Oh, _Alexander_,” Magnus coos, more to himself than anything, voice barely above a whisper. 

His best friend’s eyebrows furrow, letting out a brief sleepy noise of discourse before settling on his stomach, snores ceasing from the new position.

He’s still asleep though— Magnus knows he’s too upset to pull a convincing act over on Magnus. 

Magnus musters both his courage and breath, taking a few long strides to Alec. He presses a warm ring clad hand on Alec, and though his jewellery remained he opted into a makeup less look. He brandishes only sweats and a hoodie against the freezing apartment. 

Alec, for his part, reacts almost immediately. He sucks in a breath through his nose, letting out a groan before blinking his red-rimmed eyes open to look at Magnus. 

“Hey,” He croaks, and his voice sounds like it’s on the brink of being lost completely. 

“Hi,” Magnus sussurates back, “I made breakfast.” 

“Oh,” Alec mumbles, glancing down at himself before moving over in bed, “Thanks.” 

Magnus nods, sitting down beside Alec hesitantly. The latter grabs a piece of sour dough toast with coconut butter, taking dainty bites as Magnus watches him closely. 

“I’m sorry,” Alec blurts, “I shouldn’t have assumed— you just broke up with Camille and I— I’m sorry for reacting like that.”

“You never have to apologise to me,” Magnus urges, voice sure, “Especially not for that. The suit, the flowers— my favourite _Gado-gado_? Alec, I was oblivious— and at the end I brought the she-witch up. I’m sorry.” 

They lapse into silence, and before he can help himself, a question shoves its way past Magnus’ lips:

“Why did you close your door?” 

Alec sets the toast back down, “Oh, uh. You always tell me I snore, and um, well, I dunno. I was crying and stuffy and— you were asleep on the couch, I didn’t want to wake you or anything. I dunno.”

Magnus nods softly, and Alec returns to the toast, picking at the edges watching as small crumbles fall onto the plate. 

“Alexander?” Alec answers only with a hum, cerulean eyes laser focused on the sourdough in his fingers, “Do you love me?”

“Of _course_ I do, you’re my best friend—“ 

“No,” Magnus abridges Alec’s sentence, “Do you love me?” 

All of his best friend’s movements come to a standstill and he glances at Magnus. “Please don’t— please don’t make me answer that.” 

“Alec,” Magnus urges, “please.” 

“Magnus,” He murmurs, easing out a sigh and looking down. He shakes his head, closing his eyes and ripping his head back as he steels himself, “Fine. Yes. I’m in love with you.” 

“Alexander,” Magnus calls, trying to get his friend to look at him, “Alec?” 

He watches Alec tap his index finger against his thigh three times in rhythm before meeting Magnus’ gaze. 

Nothing is gonna change, right?” Magnus doesn’t respond and Alec sits up, “Magnus— I don’t— I can’t lose you, even if—“ 

“No, Alexander,” Magnus replies, tone reassuring and warm as he takes Alec’s hand, “Catarina helped me realise that I—“ 

Alec pulls his hand back, shaking his head in negation, “You’re not doing that, you don’t have to—“ 

“Camille broke up with me because I talked about you more than anyone else,” Magnus blurts in one breath and he watches as Alec freezes, confusion flashing over his eyes and he holds up a finger. 

“You told... she broke up with you?” Alec stammers out, blinking bewilderedly. 

Magnus nods softly, “I just figured— why would I not talk about my best friend? Catarina told me that when you walk into a room I’m a different person though, and I kinda realised that maybe there’s something else there.”

Instead of lightening the burden that clearly weighs his best friend down, Alec only becomes more ridged and he can see the former begins to shut down. 

“Magnus— you don’t have to do this, I can just ignore my feelings.” 

“Alexander,” Magnus retorts, mimicking Alec’s tone, “I love you.” 

“There’s a difference,” Alec declares, as if it’s the clearest thing in the world. 

“What?” 

“You love me. You’re not _in love _with me,” Alec mutters, the husky quality returning, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to love me because I’m in love with you. It’s not real, and that’s okay.” 

“Alec—“ 

Alec shakes his head, “It’s okay, I understand. I’m gonna go for a walk. I need to think.” 

“Alexander—“ 

Alec takes Magnus hand, looking into his eyes as he speaks his next words, “I’m not leaving. I’m not going anywhere. I’m just going for a walk, I’ll be back. I _promise_.”

He shoves a hand through his coiled hair, pushing himself out of bed before leaving Magnus’ sight once more. 

When he returns, as promised, he smells of his aftershave and faintly of sweat. His nose is bright red as he wraps his arms around Magnus— of whom has been anxiously awaiting his return. 

“I’m sorry,” He breathes into Magnus hair, “I needed to think.” 

Magnus pulls back, cupping Alec’s face, “Listen to me carefully.”

Alec nods, taking his friend’s hands before cupping them in his own, “I am in love with you. Just because I didn’t know, doesn’t mean I don’t know now.”

“Are—“ 

“Yes,” Magnus breathes, “But I think we should go on a date this time— one that I can’t unknowingly destroy by bringing up my ex.” 

Alec snorts, glancing down, before meeting Magnus gaze. 

“Is this the part where we kiss?” Magnus asks softly, and Alec chuckles once more, nodding faintly. 

“I’d say so.” 

They move in tandem, breaking apart warm and elated before Magnus adds quietly, “Why don’t we get some _chiles en nogada_ this time.” 

And the smile on Alec’s face is well worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> idk what to tell u other than the fact that i did not edit this in the slightest whoops. what it do babayyyy


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